Talking To Auntie Julie

Today was parent/baby drop in day; something Maddi & I look forward to every week.

After drop in, Bryn and I went for a walk with the babes and tried not to smash into each other's strollers as we walked and talked. It's a new skill moms have to learn; personal space becomes larger when you're both pushing a stroller around. Every time one leans in to say something or listen to what the other one is saying, the strollers collide! There is a JJ Bean in the area, so naturally I stopped in for a cuppa.

Maddi has been cooing and making a lot of sounds lately. Tonight, when Auntie Julie visited, she had lots of stories to tell!

Discovering Thierry

I got on to Foursquare early in 2011 because L'Atelier offered a big discount to new clients for checking in on it. I don't remember to check in most times, unless I'm with my friend Sonia who's crazy over it.

However, for some reason, I've been remembering to check into places I go in the past week. And once I saw myself ranked against my Foursquare friends (you get points for checking into places, and ranked among your friends based on number of points you gather within a 7 day period), my competitive nature kicked in. All of a sudden, I am out-ranking Sonia! Woot woot!

Anyways, I've brought up Foursquare because that's how I discovered Thierry Patisserie.

I've been cooped up indoors for most of the day; so when I discovered Thierry, I sent out a spontaneous invitation to a couple of girlfriends to go check it out with me. And naturally, Sonia was one of them. In the end, she was the only one who can make it.

Tonight, I got to take a walk and check out this fabulous tea and treats place. They do have really good macarons! Also quite good coffee! And this came as a surprise to me, but they serve wine and liquor! Not that I'm a big drinker; quite the opposite, but I just thought that was a clever twist for a tea and treats place.

All in all, a wonderful night of play and simple pleasures, with a great girlfriend to share it with.

I do feel quite lucky to have girlfriends that can come hang out with me in a moment's notice. You know who you are, you are all awesome!

New Year's Eve

Since we were up till 3am playing Scattergories, and thank goodness that Maddi is such a good sleeper, we spent the first half of the day sleeping in. No one is a bigger sleep hog than Nina tho... she didn't wake up until after noon! We spent the next few hours just lounging around, chatting. I was in my pj's all day. Maddi continued to be fussier than normal and wouldn't nap for longer than half an hour each time. By about 6pm, I headed for the shower, then we started getting our stuff ready to go to the New Year's Eve party at Nat & J's.

When we got to Nat & J's, we claimed a bedroom and set up our stuff. If it's anything like last year, we'll be spending most of tomorrow at their place, too!

Finally, Maddi napped for about 47 minutes, but not quite an hour. I sure hope she'll still sleep well tonight!

There was giant Jenga, and those that can drink (everyone else but me) were playing a drinking game with it - involving tequila shots. This should be interesting!

Since Maddi usually doesn't sleep until 11.30pm, she'll most likely stay up to ring in the new year.

Born To Party!

With the busy-ness of the holiday season, this weekend is pretty crazy for us. We had four party invites, and this is the first of them... and also Maddi's first.

There were two parties to choose from tonight - Ross' and Nat & J's. We decided to go to Ross' since we'll be seeing Nat and J at Amy's birthday dinner tomorrow and we'll also be going to their NYE party.

We saw on the invitation that babies were welcome, and also saw among those that will be there are our friend Thompson and Ross' brother Walt. Both of them have a child, so we thought it would be great to see them.

When we got to Ross' apartment, we walked in with a huge stroller to a pumpin' party with a lot of younger people, loud music, booze. Then I spot Thompson and Walt. They were there alone, babies were at home with mom. I turned to Sean and said, "Uh-oh, did we pick the wrong party to go to?" We thought we'd stay and see how Maddi does. She did awesome! She was a big hit at the party, drawing all kinds of attention, people wanted to hold her and see her. The music didn't seem to bother her, and she still went to sleep within her bed time at 11.30, so we decided to stay longer. But when she woke up an hour after she fell asleep, I told Sean that we have to go home. Even so, we stayed till 1am. Pretty good with a newborn, I must say!

This was great. I wanted to see how Maddi would do at a party. As much as we recognize that she has needs, we don't want our lives and activities to revolve around her. We wanted to find that balance where her needs are being met, yet we can continue to do things that we enjoy... and hanging out with friends is somewhere on the top of that list.

This photo was taken just after one of Maddi's feeding times at the party. We locked ourselves in Ross's bedroom for some privacy. Maddi is laying on top of coats, in her pretty party pants!

A Visit From Auntie Nicole & Hayley

My baby is two weeks old today!

Today, we got a visit from Nicole & Hayley. Hayley is such a cutie - such a great eater, she loved my dad's cooking! She was saying "mmmm" the whole time =)

Maddi got more loot... thanks Auntie Nicole!

After 2 weeks with Maddi, I'm starting to figure out a routine with her. She feeds as soon as she wakes up, then continues to sleep for another hour or so... and I either go back to sleep with her, or that's my time to do my own thing while she sleeps with Sean. She sleeps most of the day, waking up about every 3 hours to feed. At around 6pm, she feeds nonstop with only 15-20 minutes in between feedings until she goes to bed for the night, which could be as early as 9pm or as late as 1.30am. So, it is crucial that I take a nap while she's sleeping between 3-5pm... and that has become my time with her as we nap together with her either on my chest or beside me on our bed.

Fancy Feast

Another busy day! It's good to keep busy.

Started the day with a bang trim at Is Salon - was sad to find out that Jeffrey no longer works there =( He's gone to somewhere better though, so I'm happy for him.

At noon, Sean and I met at the Yaletown Marina with Tamara for our maternity shoot. It's good that our shoot with Angela was at a beach/park scenery and now we'll get something different with the urban environment. Tamara's already put a couple of pictures up tonight, I can't wait to see the rest of them! Thanks for doing this for us, Tam!

After the shoot, we took my Honda Civic to our sales guy that I bought my new car from in the North Shore Automall. He offered to clean it up a bit for us, take some pictures of it, help us price it and post an ad for it on Craigslist. This was great, because I discovered that I could get a lot more than what I thought I could get for it.

After the automall, we chilled at home for a bit before heading out to Chez Addy & Frank's. They recently got this kitchen appliance that made pretty much our whole meal - from the bread we had for appetizer, the pumpkin soup, the beet salad, to the ice cream for we had for dessert. Such an awesome meal, and everything was so beautifully plated too! I was a very spoiled guest... sooo full! We ended the night with a game of Apples to Apples. Adeline and Frank, thanks for having us over and being such incredible hosts!

Two Turkeys

Our maternity shoot for this morning got postponed to next week, so I slept in after a late night at Thanksgiving dinner #1. Had a lazy afternoon just posting photos on Facebook and my blog. I wouldn't want to be behind, so trying to keep up to date. I know I won't have as much time when Maddi comes. I didn't eat much all day as I was trying to save room for tonight's Thanksgiving dinner #2.

It was awesome to spend Thanksgiving with friends, old and new. Look at this long table!

As always, there's an abundance of food when Nat has anything to do with it. We didn't just have a turkey, we had TWO turkeys!... and a ham, stuffing, veggies, corn, potatoes, and FOUR pies! Nat made a pumpkin pie with the traditional crust, a pumpkin pie with graham cracker crust, pumpkin cheesecake and apple pie!

I was trying not to make the same mistake as the night before and not eat as much. I was good for dinner, but I had to try all the pies! Lucky that Maddi hides how big my food baby is... maternity pants are perfect for turkey dinners!

Suckalicky!

Since Maddi can come any time, we didn't make plans to host Thanksgiving dinner. We ended up getting invited to two dinners - one today, and another tomorrow. We were also invited to a turkey chili Football Sunday afternoon, which we unfortunately had to pass on - sorry Sonia & Jeff! Lately, whenever I do too much... it feels as if I could go into labour. I am not quite ready for Maddi to come yet, so I'm trying to take it easy. Also, I've been pretty tired.

Today was a pretty productive day, though. I organized a big chunk of my filing cabinet, just a couple more hours work on it and I should be able to move on to organizing another part of my office. We also had a housekeeper come and clean the whole place, so that is one more thing I can cross off my to-do list.

At night, we drove out to Thompson & Dana's house in Port Moody for our first Thanksgiving dinner of the weekend. It was awesome to catch up with some friends we haven't seen for a while and enjoy such an abundance of insanely good food.

Thanks for hosting such an awesome turkey dinner, Suckalicky!

Burger Cake

Slept in and spent most of the day in my pj's. Putted around the house a bit, updated my blog, then it's pretty much time to leave for Nat & J's for a BBQ.

We decided to have a BBQ this weekend since we over estimated on food, AGAIN, for Nat's shower last weekend. It just so happens to be Lev's birthday tomorrow and Nadia's birthday on Monday... so it worked out perfectly.

Nadia & Rob left early since they had to get Stella home for her bedtime, but the rest of us stayed to play bingo, hang out and enjoy this fabulous cake. I've never had lettuce in my cake before, but I guess there's always a first for everything.

Saying Goodbye Is Hard To Do

Today's post deserved two photos. This is my desk just before I boxed up all my personal effects. =(

Although we've moved offices throughout my time in the company, I've had the same desk for most of that time and had worked on making my corner of the world where I spent 40 hours a week (and more, I'm sure) as cozy as I can. I do love my space and it's been home to me for a long time. I am pretty particular with things and yes, I can tell when somebody's been at my desk while I'm on vacation. It wasn't easy cleaning this desk up and seeing it empty when I left the office tonight.

I will miss this place and the characters I worked with - Harvey, the most interesting of them all! I kid you not, he is the human version of Brian from Family Guy! Gil, the coffee expert who occasionally blurts out curse words in German or some other European language when he gets frustrated (actually, he confessed that sometimes, they're not real words... just gibberish). Bob, he's basically been my work husband since Stephen and Amy left. There are others in the department, and I will miss you all!

It was also great for our bankers from across the border to come up for a visit and take us out for lunch. Alan, it was so awesome to see you and thanks for accommodating me and scheduling your visit on such short notice so that I can come along for lunch on my last day.

Gil stayed until I was done so I can give him my computer and office keys. He helped me take my boxes of personal stuff to my car and as I hugged him goodbye in the parking lot, his last words to me were, "you're right in the few seconds where you step into that portal as you end one chapter of your life right into a new one." It's so true!

With those words in my head, I drove away and bawled as I crossed the Lions' Gate bridge in the usual traffic that it comes with. I didn't want to look like a mental case to the drivers of the other cars beside me; also, Sean and I went to the BC Lions game tonight and I didn't want to be a mess when I got home, considering we had to hurry to get to the game... so that helped to keep the floodgates from letting everything out.

Below is the email I sent out to the company to bid everyone farewell:

Dear Peak family,

Donna knows I’m not a morning person AT ALL. For years, I have had a hard time getting up in the mornings to get to work; but today, I was up before 5.30am and got into the office by 7.30am - last day jitters?!

It has been a wild ride of tremendous growth and fond memories for me in my time here of almost 8 years. I don’t know what life would look like if I never came across this company and the wonderful people in it, past and present. Everything happens for a reason, and I believe I’m a better person and life is better today because of my journey with Peak. I have made many good friends throughout this journey, and although I will miss working with you all… I hope to keep in touch. Harvey, I will miss you most! =)

The thought of leaving this place has been a source of great struggle for me the past couple of months, and now it’s here. It’s hard to let go when you have “control issues” - haha. It was heartbreaking to piece out my tasks to different people in the department, when I’ve put so much pride and effort in my work and it’s been my “baby”. Also, for a long time, this has been the life I know and today feels sort of like “leaving the nest.” But now, the time has come when I have to make room in my life for a real baby and embrace the adventures of a new chapter in my life journey - exciting, but also… YIKES!

I have kept a blog since February 1^st this year, where I take pictures daily and put up a post each day with a picture of the day and a little blurb. It would be a good way to keep up-to-date with me and my world… http://www.365daysofalchemy.blogspot.com. Once Maddi arrives, I’ll most likely start another 365 days blog of her and will provide a link to it on my current blog.

Best wishes to all of you, namaste.

With all my love,

Jenn

Donna

Today, Donna took me out for lunch as I wind down this week before I go on maternity leave.

I first met Donna almost 8 years ago when I interviewed for a Finance clerk position at Peak Potentials in January of 2004. Despite the humble beginnings of a 2-drawer filing cabinet for a desk in a cramped office... those were fondly remembered fun days working in an office that had a culture like no other.

It seemed we had cake every week celebrating someone's birthday in the pit. I loved the energy in the office and no matter how chaotic it was at times, everything seemed to somehow flow into place. It was an environment that encouraged play as much as hard work; where people pulled together what at times seemed to be impossible tasks.

This was supposed to be an in between job for me until I found a career job. However, a testament to how awesome this place is, and the people that work in it... almost 8 years later, I am still here. Despite frustrating times off and on throughout the years when I had thoughts about working elsewhere, I had struggled a lot on the thought of leaving this place at the end of this week.

Without any accounting education background, I've learned on the job and had been promoted over the years to take on more and more responsibility. I have the belief and support of an awesome manager and friend to thank for that.

I have many great memories with Donna over the years that I've known her. She was there to give me advice when I was trying to figure out my relationship with Sean, there at my stagette and wedding, there when I decided to go back to school, and now as I continue on my journey to having a baby. However, the best memory I share with her would have to be one from the Fall of 2004, at the first ever event of that season, when I traveled from event to event. Donna came to that first event. As I took a few bites of my "risotto cooked in red wine" lunch one day while working with her, my cheeks started to feel tremendously warm. I asked if they were red, because I thought I was getting drunk. I had to ask her if I was allowed to grab another lunch, as I can't eat any more of what I've got without passing out. She wouldn't let me forget it since!

Donna, you've been more than a manager to me. You've been a friend and a big sister who I can go to whenever I needed an ear to listen to what I have to say or a sounding board to sort out whatever may be troubling me in my head. Thanks for all that you've done for me over the years, I will definitely miss working with you.

Ice Cream Better Than I Scream

Ice cream has always been one of my favourite treats. And apparently, I can afford to eat it. At my doctor's appointment today, instead of gaining 2 lbs. since my last appointment two weeks ago, I've lost 3 lbs! I did notice that I didn't have as much of an appetite lately, but I didn't think there's been much difference in what or how much I ate. Perhaps the scale at the doctor's office was off? The doctor did assure me that I didn't have anything to worry about as baby is healthy and very active.

Today was definitely a lot better day emotionally. It was very helpful to come to the conscious realization that what I'm about to step into is far more important and significant in the grand scheme of things than saying goodbye to a job. I knew that, but it's different to REALLY know that! And, as much as I need to acknowledge my loss, I need to focus on my new upcoming role as a mother to a baby that will need to rely on me completely.

Thank you to everyone that has lent me an ear and given me tremendous support as I go through the emotional roller coaster that pregnancy hormones can sometimes take you on.

Snow Woman

So here's a picture of me with my new hair colour, thanks to Jeffrey of Is. Salon. Although I keep thinking a purple streak down on one side of that triangle of red would look even more rad!

I'm at 35 weeks and 6 days today, and another busy day as I count down to Maddi's arrival. We went to pick up our crib mattress today, then I met up with Amy to run some errands for our dear friend Nat's bridal shower next Sunday. We walked a lot, and got a lot done. It was awesome that my feet didn't start hurting until Amy's did, too. I remember being super frustrated during that small stretch of time a few months ago when it seemed I could hardly walk without a part of my body hurting after just a few minutes.

Tonight, as I got ready for a good night's sleep after a productive day, I asked Sean for help climbing onto bed... he called me a rolly, polly snowman. My belly does look VERY round, like a snowman. =P

Showered

The picture above is of the amazing diaper cake that my talented friend Anne put together for me.

Today, my awesome girlfriends threw me a most amazing baby shower for Maddi. A big spread of yummy food, adorable decorations, and super fun games. Then, I was SHOWERED with lots of presents for Maddi. Such tiny stuff!

After carting everything from the party room where the shower was back to our place... I started to go through everything, take tags off so I can get them ready to be laundered. As I did this, the pile of stuff just kept growing and eventually I had a mountain of them. It was pretty overwhelming.

I had guests from out of town at my shower, and some of my friends were stuck in a horrible traffic jam getting here. Maddi even got unexpected presents from our friends all the way in the UK, from one of my guy friends who wasn't invited to a ladies only shower, and one of my friends' moms all the way in Ontario. I feel very lucky and grateful to have such great friends and family... who wanted to shower Maddi with so much love.

Just The Two Of Us

Seems like it's been a while since the last time hubby and I went for a walk. Tonight, we decided to go on one. I enjoy these walks... just the two of us.

With just six weeks before Maddi's expected arrival, there are a few different emotions running through me. Of course I'm excited to welcome Maddi to the family, and look forward to the joy that she will bring us; although to be honest, I have no idea what it will be like. However, I'm a little scared to leave what I know, and a little sad about forever losing life, as I know it - just Sean and I.

I think the message from the universe tonight is to take the next six weeks to really cherish these "just the two of us" times - go on dates, spend quality time with each other and go on these walks.

Exploring Clayburn

Last night, Cathy served us a wonderful dinner of avocado & tomato salad and gnocchi with LOTS of cheese. This morning, she made fresh orange scones and we got freshly picked blackberries for breakfast. Then, we got ready for our private tour of Clayburn Village - complete with meeting some of her neighbours. Such a neat place... I love how cute and quaint everything was. We got the full country hospitality!

I've said it many times - she lives such a romantic life... and this is the perfect place for her.

Old Treasures

Tonight, we made the trek to Clayburn Village to visit our friend Cathy. She lives in one of the original houses that was built in 1906. It is so cute, it feels like playing house being in it. She's also got just the right touches sprinkled around the place.

These were her parents' ice skates. During one of her visits with her parents, her dad was ready to throw these away. She decided to take them and it makes for the perfect decorations to hang by her entry way.

The Sascrotch Crew Plus Two

Since our first camping trip together, Ryan, Amy, Nat, J, hubby and myself had called ourselves the Sascrotch Crew. This year, Lev and Marina joined us.

Yay to no fire ban... we were able to stay up and hang out around the camp fire.

It was a great weekend with friends... making food, hanging out at the beach, playing Beans (albeit some tense times), making s'mores and hobo pies.

Holy Crap

Two weeks ago, over the phone

Jenn: Hey, Anne. I saw this cereal blend made by a couple from Sechelt, BC on Dragon's Den. I've seen it at Urban Fare, and it's supposed to be very good for you! I want to try it, but I'm not sure if it's ok for preggers.

Anne: Oh, really? I should try it.


Last weekend, while hanging out at Jenn & Sean's patio

Jenn: Hey, Anne. I got Holy Crap. It's sooo good!

Anne: I got it too! I had it for a week, it's all gone now. It is good!

Henry: So tell me, ladies... what's the verdict? Is your crap holy or unholy?!

Everyone: LOL

Search My Soul

 

"The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out."
Proverbs 20:5

There was a time in my life when I went to church and read the bible. The above passage was one of my favourites.

It was 2.30am last I checked the time before falling asleep last night. What was keeping me up?

Earlier last night, I saw someone who I have hardly been in touch with the last ten years come online. I got a little excited and said hi to initiate an instant message chat. To cut a long story short, I was unexpectedly made aware of how much a decision I made ten years ago to leave the church that I was a part of then had affected someone that I was friends with at the time. Frankly, albeit not having had much of a relationship in the last ten years, I thought that we were at least still friends nonetheless.

She was in the teen ministry, which I had the pleasure of working in, at the time. It wasn't so much my decision to leave the church that she was upset about, I think... but that I walked out of hers and the other teens' lives with that decision. I honestly didn't think that that decision had affected her that much, if at all. On one hand, it is encouraging to know that I did have an impact on those kids back then. However, it was heartbreaking to know that although I made a decision that I still believe was good for me, it had to hurt other people. No, I don't think that leaving an organization means you necessarily leave the people you cared about in it... so why did I "walk out" of the teens' lives? This happened a long time ago, so I had to do some thinking and work through some fuzzy memories.

I tossed and turned last night and pondered on why I didn't keep in touch with most of the teens, when I have kept in touch with quite a few of my other friends from church. Finally, it came to me. When I decided to leave the church, my faith was in shambles. First off, I wasn't in the position to be there for someone else; secondly, I wasn't sure if the parents (and the rest of the church) would want their kids having a close relationship with someone who has left the church, when they are desperately hoping that their kids make the decision to become Christians. That's why I kept my distance... not wanting to be accused of "pulling them away" from the church and what their parents wanted them to believe in.

I am sure that I would've reciprocated the effort, if they had just initiated with maintaining their friendship with me... but most of them didn't. So I felt that it was a bit unfair that she would blame me entirely. Then again, she was thirteen years old at the time... can I really judge her the same way I would an adult?

I felt terrible as I was eventually let in on how she felt towards me, what she thought of me and now not wanting to have anything to do with me. To be honest, I really was ok with whether if she wanted to talk things out and patch things up or if she was done and didn't want to revisit the friendship. We both haven't had each other in our lives the past ten years... I will be ok going forward with my life without her and so will she without me.
 
Yet somehow, my heart ached a lot. I couldn't stop crying last night, and I woke up thinking about it this morning and continued to cry some more. There are some things that are making this hard for me to get over. There are things she said that bothered me.

First, she said that I seem to only pop up when I need something. Really? Is that what she thinks of me? In the seven or eight years that I was in the church and the few years that I was in her life, she really thinks that's the kind of person I am? I got a lot of help from people and friends while I was at church - rides when I didn't have a car, a couple of friends have given me money at separate occasions without me even asking for it when they knew I could really use the assistance, ears that listened, shoulders to cry on, wise advice when I needed them, etc. etc. etc. For all that, I am grateful; and I hope those that helped me know I appreciate what I have received from their generosity. I am not perfect by any means, but I know that out of gratitude, I have tried my best to give more than I got, and live as selflessly as I can. I have served and given as much as I can during my time there... I find it tough to take when someone thinks I only show up when I need something.

Secondly, she said that leaving the church is different than walking out of the lives of people you "supposedly" cared about. This stings. One of my biggest struggles about being in the church was how fake and shallow I thought many of the friendships were. I was big on being real and building real friendships. To be accused of being a fake was a big blow. I cared about those teens. I genuinely enjoyed their company and friendship. I have nothing to prove, I just hope they know that I truly did care about them and I wasn't just pretending, because it was my job to care.

This conversation last night led me to search my soul... and this is what I came away with - my conscience is clear, I have not done anything to intentionally hurt her and I have apologized for how I have unwittingly affected her with my decision to leave the church. I know I don't need her forgiveness as I know my heart was pure; but emotionally, I wished she would see my innocence and lift the accusations she's laid on me.

Perhaps it would have been easier if I got mad at her for the things she said... but I'm not mad. I don't feel any anger... just sadness and hurt for being wrongly judged, as well as imagining how hurt she must have been to get to the point where she didn't want anything to do with me. I have nothing against her, no ill thoughts of her, I still have fond memories of my times with her and my door is open if she ever changes her mind. Mostly though, I think I just felt blindsided. I was in a bit of a shock, as if I got the wind knocked out of me. It was something I completely did not see coming... and also, I think I needed to grieve the loss.

I believe this happened because there is a lesson here for me. What is it?

I can't help but think about how my decisions would affect this little girl that's still in my belly. To be honest, it is freaking me out a bit about motherhood.