Connected

Since I only have one baby, I don't know if all babies do this... but Maddi locks eyes with me a lot of the times when I nurse her. It is definitely a great reminder for me to be present in the moment. She has definitely been a great teacher for me, I am learning just as much from her as she is from me. These nursing times are also such bonding opportunities that only her and I share - so special.

The breast is definitely one of Maddi's top happy places, being there calms her so well. It is where she is most content. And frankly, having her on my breast is also one of my top happy places.

Today was the first week for parent/baby drop-in at Commercial & Broadway since the holiday break. We didn't see Bryn & Baby Jonah or Elina & Baby Jacob today; they're still on their respective holiday trips. It was great to see I-Wen and Baby Isaac though, as well as the other moms and babes that we've seen from last year.

Update on Maddi's sleep schedule - the other night might have been just an off night for her, because last night she slept seven hours straight!

Lunch With The Ladies

Today, Maddi and I have a ladies luncheon to go to! It was to celebrate Grandma McMillen's birthday. We started out being on schedule, but in the last 10 minutes, we got delayed by a poopy diaper.

I showered as Maddi went back to sleep after her first couple of feedings in the morning. Then I managed to get out and finish getting ready just as she was waking up! I gave her a bath and got her dressed. Then, I had a one-handed breakfast as I nursed her one last time before we headed out. We were right on schedule. Then, I strapped her in the car seat - which is on the top of her "most un-favourite things to do" list. Then, I hear her go for a number two in her diaper! So I took her out of the car seat and changed her. I guess she was hungry after having gone to the bathroom, so I nursed her again. By this time, it was when I was supposed to meet Great Grandma, Grandma McMillen and Auntie Julie at the restaurant and we are just getting out the door. Sigh. 'Tis, the life with a baby... but I'm not complaining! She is most adorable!

At the restaurant, there was a waitress who was very excited to be expecting her first grandchild. So, she really wanted to meet Maddi. Maddi was nursing when she first came to see her, then Grandma took her to see the waitress after she was done nursing. The waitress ended up taking Maddi and something in me just wasn't comfortable with a stranger holding my baby. I couldn't articulate how I felt at the time and wasn't sure if I was over-reacting. Maddi was also not happy while with the waitress. I let it be for a little while, but was on the edge of my seat and really wanting to go get my baby back. After waiting a couple of minutes, the waitress didn't bring Maddi back to me despite her crying the whole time she was with her. With a little nudge from Great Grandma, I went to take Maddi back. A little crying can't harm a baby physically, but I can't stand the thought of Maddi feeling helpless when she is not where she wants to be. My mother's instinct kicks in and I just want to hold her; I wanted let her know everything's going to be okay, and that she can feel safe because I'm here to take care of her.

Wow, I've never felt this way, this intensely for anybody before. I think it is a wonderful way to feel and I love being a mom!

Happy Dreams

As Maddi napped today, I stared at her for minutes before I napped too. This photo is taken in that time and I caught her smiling in her sleep. Sweet dreams, happy baby!

I've started to hear some coos from Maddi and it is so exciting when she does! A part of me wants her to stay this small forever, but another part of me is excited to see her develop, grow and learn to do different things. I can't wait to see how she grows up to be like, I can't wait to see her little personality emerge, I can't wait to get to know her and the little person that she grows to become.

It truly is a privilege to be entrusted with the responsibility of guiding the path for her life. It is both nerve-racking and exciting beyond words to be given this enormous and incredible responsibility. Yet, with the love I have for her as her mother, I am confident I will do my best to give her the best life has to offer. Now I understand what my parents have always said, "Everything we do, we do for you."

Hubby's Culinary Specialty

Hubby has been great throughout my pregnancy - picking up the slack at home when I couldn't do as much. I usually do the cooking at home, but I haven't cooked regularly for months now... I just don't have the energy or the interest. Luckily, it was Summer time and hubby BBQ'd a lot.

Today, I felt especially tired. It was Sean's day off and it was sooo awesome to come home to this, his specialty (pasta sauce), cooking on the stove top. Lately, I find myself losing even more interest in food. I would eat it if it was in front of me, but it's a challenge to make myself a meal. I find myself being so grateful when someone else prepares my food... even if it's just picking food up from a restaurant.

In keeping with finding the good and wonderful in every moment and being grateful... today, I'm grateful for my hubby for making me dinner and for everything else he does for me - from tying my shoe laces to giving me a slight push when I have to walk up a hill.

Quest For Happiness

I really hate how depressed I've been feeling lately. Especially because I am truly excited about Maddi's arrival, yet somehow this depression is over-shadowing my excitement. Damn pregnancy hormones! I was determined to get out of this emotional rut, so was consciously (and unconsciously) working hard to overcome it. In my quest for happiness... the universe came back with three answers.

First Answer:

Yesterday, I ended my day with a Skype chat. I was telling a friend how I don't understand why I feel so depressed about leaving work. If I want my job, it'll be there for me when my maternity leave ends. If I don't go back to work, it's because I have a better alternative. So why am I so upset about leaving?! Thinking things through logically usually puts things into perspective when I'm being emotional, so this definitely helped.


Second Answer:

Today, I stumbled upon a picture on Facebook that a friend had shared a link to. There was a write-up on what the picture was about. It was a mother who used her body as a shield to protect her 3-month-old baby from their collapsing house during the big earthquake in Japan not too long ago. Her body was crushed and therefore died, but her baby was miraculously alive. There was a cell phone in the baby's basket that had a text saying "If you can survive, you must remember that I love you."

I don't know if these stories that circulate online are real... but nevertheless, this one had a message for me. It put into perspective my grieving for leaving the work life in just a little over a week. It tells me that I will love Maddi so much, I would be more than okay to give up the life I've always known to embrace my new life with her in it.


Third Answer:

As I was leaving work today, I packed up some of my personal items to take home. And among those was my Soul Coaching Oracle card deck. When I got home, I pulled a card out of the deck. I got "Gratitude" - it reminded me that gratitude is the secret to a joy-filled life. If I find what's good and wonderful in every moment, I can experience happiness and peace.

So, whenever I have the urge to feel sad, I can just look down at my belly and be reminded that I can't wait to meet and snuggle with my precious baby girl.

Obstructed

Hubby decided to take me on a walk last minute to see if there's anywhere on the Yaletown side of the seawall where we can see the fireworks at English Bay.

The first bit looked promising; they must have been pretty high because we could see them from the seawall through the trees in the park. We hurried to get ourselves to the park and sat there waiting to see some more of the high ones; but disappointingly, the rest of them were low and this was our view for most of the fireworks show.

Oh well, I still think it was romantic that hubby took me on a walk. It's the thought that counts.

Babe - I love going on spontaneous dates with you!

In The Living Years

Today was an especially tough day for a dear friend, after receiving some unfortunate family news. And this is an especially tough post for me to write, as my heart goes out to my friend... I can't help but think that this day will come for me as well.

He had just spoken with his mother the other day to greet her Happy Mother's Day when she seemed like she was recovering quite well from a stroke she had a while back. Then this morning, he informed me that he got news she's had another stroke and has been rushed to the hospital.

It is hard to see our parents get old and get sick. I know my heart aches just seeing my mom having trouble climbing up a set of stairs because her knees are getting weak. I can't imagine what he must feel like to know his mother is in a hospital and he is halfway around the world away from her.

As I mentioned in a previous post, the Sakura is a symbol of the ephemeral nature of life to the Japanese. I believe the universe' message for me today is to always appreciate and be grateful for those that are near and dear to my heart, and to never take them for granted. Tell those you love that you love them often, give plenty of hugs, appreciate the beauty of your relationship, show them you care... in the living years. Do not delay, it may be too late one day.

Sending my dear friend all the love and light I have as he flies home to be with his mama; sending his mom all the healing energy in the world, so she may have many more days to feel how much she is loved.

Mad

Tonight, I had another argument with the hubby. Last night, we never brought up the argument we had from the night before... perhaps we both thought it's not worth bringing back up. We were just happy to not be mad at each other anymore.

When I set up this shot, I had "mad" in mind... but looking at it now, it looks more sad than mad. I think the fruits tell about how I feel more accurately than my intention for the shot.

As much as we love and care about each other, it is also the one relationship that we both feel most familiar with and not afraid to say what we think and be who we are. Despite both of us saying and doing things to each other that may end other friendships, we always decide to reconcile. Because of this, I think my relationship with the hubby is the truest friendship I have.

I hate how I feel when we fight... can't we just always get along? Here's hoping that over time, the fighting would be reduced to simply disagreements. No getting worked up, no raised voices, no hurt feelings. However, I'm afraid fighting may be a necessary evil to strengthen the relationship in order to get there.

I think it's time to sign off and go give my hubby a hug before going to bed!

Celebrating The Royal Wedding

This morning, as I got ready for work, I watched a bit of Prince William and Kate Middleton's Royal Wedding. I started kicking myself for not planning this day better. I would've love to celebrate the occasion having afternoon tea at the Fairmont Hotel! Instead, there I was... getting ready for work. The only thing I had to celebrate with was some crumpets with cream and jam for breakfast.

I decided to call the Fairmont, but as I suspected... they were fully booked for their afternoon tea service! I ended up finding a spot open at Shangri-La's afternoon tea service, so quickly called around to see which of my girlfriends could join me. I scurried to get all my work done at the office and got the okay to leave early.

Next thing you know, I was off to meet Nuala for afternoon tea! I can't believe I actually pulled off being able to go!

Lesson of the day - ask for what you want, and go for it with all you've got!

To the newlyweds... May each day add sweetness to your marriage; may your marriage be blessed with much love, joy and happiness!

Don't Just Survive...

During my appointment with my chiropractor tonight, I noticed this token on his desk. What an awesome message from the universe!

One of my fears is to live an ordinary life. I don't want to just scrape by... I want to live a full life! Sure, there will be hard times when it will be good to just get by... but for the most part, I would want to be happy, consciously living the life I want to live, experiencing all that the world has to offer.

Play, be creative, be curious, be happy.

Imagine, dream, believe, love.

Live with passion!

Portrait Of A Married Couple

We eat, we go for walks. We play volleyball, we throw the frisbee around. We bicker, we yell, we fight... we take a break, we apologize, we kiss and make up.

We go to the movies just before the Oscars, we sit and watch tv on our couch. We host parties, you go all out for Halloween.

We go on trips and see the world. I take pictures for souvenir, you collect shot glasses. You drink beer, I drink coffee. I make you dinner, you make me breakfast. In a food court, I'll get something Asian, and you'll go to Subway or Quiznos.

We get silly and goofy, we make each other laugh. We get stubborn and annoying, we make each other mad.

We did these and more for the last 5 years... and I will do them with you, all over again. Looking forward to many more adventures in the years to come!

Happy Anniversary, Baby!

Happy Hearts Day!

This Valentine's Day, instead of putting importance on the bling bling that this holiday often comes with... in true Alchemy spirit, we celebrated the simple things of love and relationship instead. Sean made me an incredible homemade meal, we enjoyed great after dinner tea... and now to cuddle in front of the fireplace watching a comedy-love story, The Accidental Husband.

Love doesn't always have to be serious and heavy... we've always enjoyed the silly side of love.

Happy Hearts Day, everyone!