Quest For Happiness

I really hate how depressed I've been feeling lately. Especially because I am truly excited about Maddi's arrival, yet somehow this depression is over-shadowing my excitement. Damn pregnancy hormones! I was determined to get out of this emotional rut, so was consciously (and unconsciously) working hard to overcome it. In my quest for happiness... the universe came back with three answers.

First Answer:

Yesterday, I ended my day with a Skype chat. I was telling a friend how I don't understand why I feel so depressed about leaving work. If I want my job, it'll be there for me when my maternity leave ends. If I don't go back to work, it's because I have a better alternative. So why am I so upset about leaving?! Thinking things through logically usually puts things into perspective when I'm being emotional, so this definitely helped.


Second Answer:

Today, I stumbled upon a picture on Facebook that a friend had shared a link to. There was a write-up on what the picture was about. It was a mother who used her body as a shield to protect her 3-month-old baby from their collapsing house during the big earthquake in Japan not too long ago. Her body was crushed and therefore died, but her baby was miraculously alive. There was a cell phone in the baby's basket that had a text saying "If you can survive, you must remember that I love you."

I don't know if these stories that circulate online are real... but nevertheless, this one had a message for me. It put into perspective my grieving for leaving the work life in just a little over a week. It tells me that I will love Maddi so much, I would be more than okay to give up the life I've always known to embrace my new life with her in it.


Third Answer:

As I was leaving work today, I packed up some of my personal items to take home. And among those was my Soul Coaching Oracle card deck. When I got home, I pulled a card out of the deck. I got "Gratitude" - it reminded me that gratitude is the secret to a joy-filled life. If I find what's good and wonderful in every moment, I can experience happiness and peace.

So, whenever I have the urge to feel sad, I can just look down at my belly and be reminded that I can't wait to meet and snuggle with my precious baby girl.

Eeyore-y Mood

It seems Summer is over.

The weather has turned in the last couple of days and today is just a day away from the official last day of Summer this year.

This is what it looks like on my drive home at approximately eight o'clock at night - wet, soggy and gloomy. And it seems to reflect my mood recently. The closer it gets to my last day at work, I find myself dreading it and feeling really sad about a chapter in my life ending.

Just as sure as a season ends, life chapters also end. Physically, I've had the best pregnancy I could ask for. Perhaps, my pregnancy battle comes in the form of emotional challenges?

I hate feeling this way. I am excited about Maddi's arrival, but somehow I'm focused on what's ending and what I'll be losing. I need to find a way to get out of this Eeyore-y mood. I just want to be happy, I need to find my happy place!

Burst My Bubble

For such a brilliant day - the sun out and the jazz festival at the park just blocks away from us, I am not sure why I was in such a cranky mood. Perhaps it was because I was experiencing some back pains, but who knows?! I just really wanted to burst out of the crabby bubble I was in. I didn't feel like being around people and thought that perhaps I should bail on a BBQ invitation by our friends tonight.

Thank goodness, I thought better. I decided to go for a short walk with hubby to check out the jazz festival. I thought that perhaps some exposure to the sun would help my mood... and I think it worked.

When we got to the BBQ, it was awesome to see friends we haven't seen for a while, enjoy playing with babies and be spoiled with good food.

This is a picture I took of Abby who was playing with bubbles. It's amazing how something so simple (soap and water) can emit such awe and provide seemingly endless entertainment.

Mad

Tonight, I had another argument with the hubby. Last night, we never brought up the argument we had from the night before... perhaps we both thought it's not worth bringing back up. We were just happy to not be mad at each other anymore.

When I set up this shot, I had "mad" in mind... but looking at it now, it looks more sad than mad. I think the fruits tell about how I feel more accurately than my intention for the shot.

As much as we love and care about each other, it is also the one relationship that we both feel most familiar with and not afraid to say what we think and be who we are. Despite both of us saying and doing things to each other that may end other friendships, we always decide to reconcile. Because of this, I think my relationship with the hubby is the truest friendship I have.

I hate how I feel when we fight... can't we just always get along? Here's hoping that over time, the fighting would be reduced to simply disagreements. No getting worked up, no raised voices, no hurt feelings. However, I'm afraid fighting may be a necessary evil to strengthen the relationship in order to get there.

I think it's time to sign off and go give my hubby a hug before going to bed!

Don't Just Survive...

During my appointment with my chiropractor tonight, I noticed this token on his desk. What an awesome message from the universe!

One of my fears is to live an ordinary life. I don't want to just scrape by... I want to live a full life! Sure, there will be hard times when it will be good to just get by... but for the most part, I would want to be happy, consciously living the life I want to live, experiencing all that the world has to offer.

Play, be creative, be curious, be happy.

Imagine, dream, believe, love.

Live with passion!

Portrait Of A Married Couple

We eat, we go for walks. We play volleyball, we throw the frisbee around. We bicker, we yell, we fight... we take a break, we apologize, we kiss and make up.

We go to the movies just before the Oscars, we sit and watch tv on our couch. We host parties, you go all out for Halloween.

We go on trips and see the world. I take pictures for souvenir, you collect shot glasses. You drink beer, I drink coffee. I make you dinner, you make me breakfast. In a food court, I'll get something Asian, and you'll go to Subway or Quiznos.

We get silly and goofy, we make each other laugh. We get stubborn and annoying, we make each other mad.

We did these and more for the last 5 years... and I will do them with you, all over again. Looking forward to many more adventures in the years to come!

Happy Anniversary, Baby!

Exploring The Secret To My Happiness

I have to be honest... more than the odd occasion, I get very dissatisfied and frustrated at work and I wonder why I am still working there. But then, there are times when I get that reminder of why I haven't left, why I do what I do. Today was one of those times.

I work for a personal growth and finance training company. Harv, the owner of the company, travels a lot and it is quite a rare occasion to have him in the office. Today, we got a visit from him and had a gathering to acknowledge staff members that have been with the company for certain milestone years as well as those that have shown excellent performance above and beyond their call of duty. I was awarded for 7 years of service, and was presented a set of Cross pen and pencil as well as a gorgeous custom journal. For those of you who know how much I love stationery, this was definitely a much appreciated gift.

We then had an Ask Harv Live opportunity where the staff got to ask him anything we wanted - on either business or personal topics. After, he led us through an exercise where we got to uncover the "secret" to our happiness - "To be happy, I need to do things that make me feel good... about me." I must say, it was a pretty neat idea.

I've been going through some personal crisis in the past few days... and this has been very instrumental in helping me get clear on what I should do - not what I need to do to feel good, but what I need to do to feel good about me. Now I know what my new journal will house - notes from my journey as I explore the path to my own happiness.