Today was another busy day at work. I imagine the rest of the month will be busy until I go on maternity leave, as I tie up loose ends and finish projects or prepare to hand them off to some lucky person in the department. =P It was about 7.45pm by the time I drove home from the bank after doing some banking for work.
After dinner, I was chatting with a friend on Facebook about how I've been feeling lately. As much as I am excited about Maddi's arrival and can't wait to hold her in my arms... I can't help but feel like I'm also in the midst of mourning for losing the life I have always known - before it even ends!
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change a thing even if I could have a take back or undo anything. I guess it's all just a part of the emotional journey with the hormones that comes with pregnancy, as well as fearing the unknown in the inevitable life-change that is coming in just a few weeks' time.
It was good to know that I am not alone in feeling this way. I was comforted with the assurance that although it will be tough and much sacrifice will be required of me, the time will come soon enough when I will realize that what I am about to step into is worth losing the life I have known. And lastly, that it is okay to bawl my eyes out and grieve if I need to... but that I should remember to enjoy the time that's left because that's all I have of the life I know, and learn to accept the fact that life will be changed forever when Maddi comes.
So, I bawled my eyes out after that FB chat. Sean saw me out of the corner of his eye and asked what happened. I moved to the couch to cuddle with him and tell him about how I'm feeling. After I've settled down, he asked if I wanted an ice cream float. Of course, I said yes! We sat in front of the tv with our ice cream floats as we watched the 9-11 special programming on National Geographic for the rest of the night. Oh, the simple things that bring comfort and joy!
And now, it's time for bed! Good night, everyone.
p.s. Today, I sang Over The Rainbow to Maddi in the morning, and on the drives to and from work. It may have worked in lulling her to sleep since I didn't feel much movements from her while I sang it. Hopefully, it'll work just as well when she's out!
Wonderful post! Thanks for sharing Jenn.
ReplyDeleteYour post makes me think about how our friendship will change once baby Maddi comes. It makes me both happy and sad. Sad because I know we won't be able to make spur of the moment plans (like grabbing gelato). However, I know Maddi will be a wonderful addition to our circle of friends/family and I really truly can't wait to meet her. She is so lucky to have such wonderful parents. I hope one day she is good friends with my future little one(s). Love you guys!!
Jenn! You speak so eloquently about the myth change that will occur as enlarge the circle of your relationship to include Maddi. Your keen awareness and consciousness of the change will help assure a healthy, happy transition. In my coaching jargon, I would say that your 'primary' has been you + Sean - a couple, now the emerging primary is a 'family'. Knowing you two, this will be a beautiful evolution. You honour the changing primary with your tears and your insight. What a lucky little girl Maddi is! Much love to you all.
ReplyDeleteThanks, ladies! I've already started to feel better. Doing our best to spend time together in this last little while helps.
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